You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
