Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
