1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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