no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
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