I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Randomize
