Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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