so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
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