***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
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