apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
My breasts were aching with rage.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Randomize
