drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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