you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
