What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
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