She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Randomize
