I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
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