She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
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