There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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