Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Randomize
