woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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