just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize