what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Randomize
