can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
I'm bleeding and have questions
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
