can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
