96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Cover your peen. We're going out.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
Randomize
