so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Randomize
