Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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