What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
