it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Randomize
