my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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