If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Boobs speak an international language.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Randomize
