So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Randomize
