She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
