Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Randomize
