the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
