I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
I got inside last night via doggy door
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Randomize
