It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
it's like heaven, but drunker
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Randomize
