my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Randomize
