bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
