I want to walk on stilts...naked
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
