Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Randomize
