I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
