Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Randomize