hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
