I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
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