Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize
