tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize
