Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
