Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
