Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
