Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
