I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
