i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
NoShamevember. You game?
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
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