Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize