chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
She bit a glass in half.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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