i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
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