Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Randomize
