No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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