yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
