Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
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