My Higher Power is John Stamos
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
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