Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Randomize
