Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Randomize
