Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
