My cat gives me a boner
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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