I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
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