If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
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