I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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