I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Randomize
