I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
