Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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