Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
