i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
Where is the hickey?
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Randomize
