Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
This is the high leading the old right now
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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