I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
That reminds me...we need to get swords
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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