You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
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