Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
My dick has a subreddit
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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