Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
