I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Randomize
